In Ireland you can offend someone if you wear a poppy. A red poppy to honour the dead, men and women who died in the first and second world wars ...some of whom were Irish. In England this week staff at Buckingham Palace were prevented from wearing a poppy because it could cause 'offence'. On Sunday the Queen laid a wreath of poppies at the cenotaph in London, but whoever is in charge of staff at Buckingham palace ruled against staff wearing a Poppy in what is the Queens home for the sake of 'Political correctness'.
This got me thinking about what causes 'offence' and should we just not do things because it might 'cause offence' and anyway what does that exactly mean? If someone does something completely different to me, wears something that I wouldn't wear or even says something that is different to the way I think..should I feel offended and if I do what should I do about it?
It appears to me that offence is caused more by preventing someone from doing something, I am 'offended' that some people think I should not wear a poppy, I am 'offended' that some people think I should not be happy Obama was elected....I am using the word 'offended' but actually I am not...I am just all the more resolute on my opinion whilst acknowledging that others have their opinion too!
When I wear my poppy I am recognizing the sacrifice made by Irish people in the wars, my great grandfather was a surgeon in the British Army..in Ireland.Because I am also from Britain I want to acknowledge the British part in the wars. If I am the only person in Ireland who wears a poppy, that's OK, I don't want or need anyone else to to do it, its my decision.
This week on facebook I was shocked that most of my American friends were so distraught about the elections, I realised that we have friends and very good Friends who are but one part of the American people. I said my bit, they said theirs, I wasn't actually expecting them to change to my opinion, but I felt that mine could be heard and so could theirs. In a way we ended up being 'offended'.. If friendship and belonging depends on whether or not I agree with you or whether or not you like what I do then I am beginning to think that we haven't yet discovered what real friendship is. If I am always looking for people who are an extension of who I am or what I believe then I am only being a friend with myself, if I can move beyond the opinion and still maintain my own, listen to others and learn from them too, then I have moved into a deeper understanding of someone and their opinions as I expect them to do to me. In that case offence is not an option, the responsibility is all on me to not be offended, recognizing that my opinions may offend.
On Saturday we went to Waterford with our daughter to meet a Mennonite/Amish* community, as part of her RE leaving cert project. I love these people, I love their simplicity of life style, I love their serving attitude, I love the way in which they put aside so many of the trappings of the world...but part of me is worried that they don't really dialogue with society to use their christian understanding and change the way society works. I think Christians need to speak out.When thinking about it I wondered if in some ways they do, this particular Mennonite/Amish* group is living and working amongst the community in Waterford and their sincerity and honesty maybe speaks in actions way beyond words. They are by choice passive but their very existence can offend not because of anything they say but simply by their choosing to be alternative, highlighting the frivolity of so much we think is important.(* I am talking from my experience of this group only and they are impressive)
Yesterday our church went to RTE studios to do a live remembrance service. In many ways it was very false, acting out a 'rehearsed' production in a studio. I hope it acknowledged the lives of those who suffered and the families who have remained, I hope it also pointed more to peace than to war and our calling as Christians to be peacemakers.
On our return we watched the DVD of our feeble efforts, of our cringing expressions and the minute details of what we looked like! Such is our egocentricity. Nobody in my family liked watching themselves on TV but everyone else said 'you looked good'. The person I portray may not necessarily be the person I am inside, watching myself on TV was like watching a stranger, and yet I know myself so well. I wonder if the fact that I disliked watching myself so much meant that I was offending myself, is that possible...maybe no one sets out to offend and its as if we are all just watching ourselves on TV and need others not to be offended by us but understood by us. When we understand we can so help and love and sometimes change for the better.
So I have decided that 'offence' is a choice whether it belongs to me or to others and I hope that 'offence' rather than being a word to shun is actually the unique place of reconciliation and change.
